I have to say, this bill is an impressive stride to secure the safety of our people. I think we should just hurry and sign over all basic civil liberties at once. I mean why resist the inevitable, right? Write one bill that takes it all, instead of inch-by-inch, and day after day. Stop hiding under the guise of Democracy. Lets just embrace the reality of Fascism. Open your doors, let the police in, you have nothing to hide.

Wouldn’t you feel safer with a policeman in every home? How about to maximize efficiency, to cover more ground, (strictly in the name of Homeland Security, of course) we put cameras in there instead. Every room. One officer could protect 50 homes. We could effectively “protect and serve,” while insuring freedom, AND streamlining the judicial system. Think of the benefits:

We can cut taxes, and because municipal costs will be substantially reduced. The need for large police forces would become obsolete. One officer becomes 50…or 100. We’ll finally be protected, from even from ourselves. Evil foreigners will no longer be able to wage their anti-American agendas, no more terrorism. We can enforce the peace.

The “burden of evidence” is now obsolete. Criminals will never go unpunished. There is always a witness, and, because of the modern marvels of technology, we always have evidence. No more of these criminals slipping through the cracks. Justice will finally become a staple in our society.

The need for jails will be reduced. Capital punishment will never have to face appeal again, as there will always be accurate evidence, and thus we can shoot them onsite, and dispatch a coroner automatically. We will have nothing left to fear from Deviant criminals. We are safe now.

We can finally purge ourselves of the scourge that threaten our future. No more drug addicts, no more robbery. No more places to smuggle, no more conspiracies, no more juvenile delinquents, no more truancy, no more playing with matches, no more of our youth tainted with alcohol, or pornography, or indecency, no more murder, no more rape, no more torture, no more kidnapping, no more adultery, no more envy, no more sloth, no more greed, no more jealousy, no more gluttony, no more pride, (other than Patriotism - which is required), no more wrath, no more lust, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. We can finally enforce freedom.

We can create billions in revenue, and stimulate our free-market economy, by allowing focus groups access to the police network. We will be able to predict trends, and stimulate spending faster, with direct input. Each home could be outfitted with the appropriate commercials, based on specific demographics. We can enforce consumerism.

The people will truly be in control! Isn’t that wonderful? So quickly sign the dotted line, feel assured, it only cost you mere privacy. A small investment, with profit for all.

Utopia is at hand.

A sterile, safe, society of socialist-supremacy, steadily advancing our people. Democracy will be upgraded; bureaucracy will be eliminated; civilization will reach a new peak. Welcome to the 21st century, the dawn of greatness, and the midnight of liberty. You are safe now.

-Nathan North